My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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