You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
