I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
