so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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