He passed out mid-signature
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
