so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
