When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
