I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Randomize
