porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
