Yo dont text me then not text me
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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