Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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