i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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