Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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