somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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