he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
