So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
