If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
