a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
