I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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