I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm just crazy horny about you
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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