I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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