worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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