I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
