So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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