Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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