I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
