I would go down on you faster than GM stock
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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