but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
My balls are so social today.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
