Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
