hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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