A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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