How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
