Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
