May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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