You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
