When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
