Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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