hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
