Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
false alarm. still invincible.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
