My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize
