He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
