Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
