allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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