Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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