I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
