god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
This baby is an asshole
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
