im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
