I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
