From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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