Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
