Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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