It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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