i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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