Swine flu. Run for my life!
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
