Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
